Don’t let anyone invalidate you and your reactions.

It is not unusual for us to feel that life is too much for us. And it is not unusual to feel that we really should be up to it; that there may be too much to cope with – too many demands – but that we should have the wherewithal to deal with it. Faced with the stresses and strains of everyday life it is easy now for people to feel that they are failing; and what they are failing at, one way or another, is managing the ordinary excesses that we are all beset by: too much frustration, too much bad feeling, too little love, too little success, and so on. One of the things people most frequently say in psychoanalysis is, ‘Perhaps I am overreacting, but . . .’; and one of the commonest complaints today is about feeling too much or feeling too little. I want to suggest that we are simply too much for ourselves, but that this too-muchness is telling us something important… My proposition is that it is impossible to overreact. That when we call our reactions overreactions what we mean is just that they are stronger than we would like them to be. In other words, we sometimes call ourselves and other people excessive as a way of invalidating or tempering the truths we tell ourselves or that other people tell us. It is impossible to overreact.

-Adam Phillips, On Being Too Much for Ourselves

Words. I’ll make them better. More goodly.

The more I write, the more I’ll figure out how to say things the way I want to say them. So no matter how stupid I think I sound, I just need to keep on writing–clarifying my thoughts.

So then… When I’m talking about focusing on myself first and being a bit selfish, what I mean is that I can’t help others if my own life is in havoc. I read something on Quora yesterday that really was a great analogy. When you’re on an airplane, they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. That’s because you can’t help others if you’re passed the shit out.

The absolute first way to calm down and control my life is to organize it. It worked in grade school when they had us use planners, so why not use the same method? Write down what you need/want to do every day, week, month, and even year. I could just use a sketchbook and/or the simple planner that I already have.

There’s this notebook called The Spark Notebook that’s better than most planners. I’m not buying it because I already have tons of sketchbooks already (and am loyal to Moleskines!), but I’m gonna promote them since I’m using some ideas in my sketchbook. They lay out the year/month/week stuff and also have inspiration/aspiration pages in addition to regular notebook pages. Take a look at their guidelines. Their notebook has a whole bunch of little rectangle sections to make it more fun to fill out. I’m just going to freehand boxes when I feel like it’s necessary.

Anyway, I need to discipline myself better. More reading, writing, expressing, arting. Jake is going to begin making our dining table soon, woo hoo! I’m kinda tired of doing my art on the floor or in bed. I just need a big flat surface. I plan on filling up my current Moleskine by the end of this year…

I really just have to set myself up for success. Being lazy mentally and physically will just bring me down again. I won’t let that happen.

Kinda better second post…

Congratulations.

Thanks, Facebook. We don’t get to express ourselves anymore because nobody blogs anymore or cares about other’s blogs. We’re all maybe a bit too focused on how to make everyone know what amazing thing we’re doing, what baller lifestyle we have, and how fucking pretty we are. Well, fuckeetall! I need to write. I need to open up my mind more than mere little snippets of everyone else’s lives.

Focus on yourself and everything else will fall into place. Isn’t that supposed to lead to a fucking happy, carefree, and meaningful life? Well, kinda yeah. Excuse my language, but maybe I’m a little bitter. Sometime in the past few years I stopped focusing on myself. I didn’t “profitez!” anymore. I can’t dwell on the past,  though, so I’m gonna just make it better from now on. You can’t just please everyone else in the world. You need to have some selfishness. Not gloating or boasting. Your life is yours. If you end up never happy, well, that’s just stupid and shitty.

This blog is to record my mental health during my little journey in the next year. Or two. Or whatever. Because I’ll be on my way to making my life better. I’m going to begin studying for my AREs. That’s the Architect Registration Examinations! The first incentive to put myself through them is that I’ll probably get paid more. When you don’t have to worry about bills, rent, and loans every month you kiiinda worry less. More importantly is that I’ll become more productive at work. I’ll be more useful, and when people feel like they contribute, they don’t feel like a piece of shit burden on others. So. Yes. That is important. Lastly, I’ll have way more freedom in what I want to do in the future. Architecture thesis–I’m comin’ for ya!

Apologies in advance for all the pessimistic, Debbie Downer shit (and cursing). It’s gonna be like that for a while. But I’ll get better. I always do.

Man, shitty first post.